The mysterious French female. Happy and alluring to all. How do they do it?
The woman in the photo, Kitty Hemnache-Devenoge, gave me the magic phrase, and I understood at once what the mystery I've been missing all my anglo-raised life, was. Live your life by this phrase and you'll have the French femme mystique, and a whole lot more happiness besides.
As a WASPy Canadian (White Anglo Saxon Protestant), I got the idea that my role in life was to give, constantly and unstintingly, to others, and that to do anything else was selfish and wrong. My grandma lived that way, and I tried to emulate that. So many women try to live by this ethic -- give and give and give, until they finally have nothing left. They fall ill, or they become resentful and unhappy. It's no wonder.
If you live by the Frenchwoman's ethic, and take care of yourself first, then you also know what you have to give to others.
That's basically the difference. The French woman accepts her desires, and acknowledges her right to them, whereas many of us anglo-society-raised women (including Canada and the US) have been taught not to accept ourselves. We've been taught to serve, to worry what others think, to reject ourselves.
So it's no wonder that others reject our right to our own desires as well, is it? Anglo societies tell women all the time that they've no right to this, that and the other. Happily, it's not everyone in society who does that, and happy navigation of life often means finding a spouse, boyfriends, and friends who will accept us for who we are. It's a tricky thing to figure out when you've been taught to reject yourself.
So give yourself a start on the training: take the time to do whatever floats your boat: special time at the spa, yoga classes, a latte and a good piece of chocolate. Just some you time. Meditate on what it is you most need to be content. Let yourself believe and know that you deserve it.
Don't take more than your fair share, but don't take less, either. When you're offered help or a compliment, accept it gracefully and gratefully. Receive. Let others give. And give in return.
And then go out in the world and be able to serve others.
This happiness radiates onto those around her.
When I met the woman in the photo, she was camping with three young girls, and generously lending a helping hand to all and sundry within her sphere. I thought she was about 38 years old. Her positive outlook and can-do attitude completely fooled me, though. She's 60! Those are just the most recent 3 of her 21 foster kids so far, and she has 6 of her own, too.
She found time to help everyone and to inquire after my well-being, my son's well-being, the neighbour's well-being, to tease the hostess along... to take care of the children with her, to have loving calls with her own children... she served more people than most people even know.
And she's the life expert who taught me this phrase. She's far from selfish, but she knows how to be selfish at the right times. She took some holiday time just to do her nails and her hair, and to have some time to just do everything slow.
Are you already living by this principle? Is this idea totally old hat to you, or something new? I'd love to know!
The woman in the photo, Kitty Hemnache-Devenoge, gave me the magic phrase, and I understood at once what the mystery I've been missing all my anglo-raised life, was. Live your life by this phrase and you'll have the French femme mystique, and a whole lot more happiness besides.
Prendre soin de soi
pour prendre soin des autres.
Translation: Take care of yourself so that you can take care of others.Many of you may think that's a no-brainer, but I was way past 30 before I learned that I was allowed to take care of myself.
As a WASPy Canadian (White Anglo Saxon Protestant), I got the idea that my role in life was to give, constantly and unstintingly, to others, and that to do anything else was selfish and wrong. My grandma lived that way, and I tried to emulate that. So many women try to live by this ethic -- give and give and give, until they finally have nothing left. They fall ill, or they become resentful and unhappy. It's no wonder.
If you live by the Frenchwoman's ethic, and take care of yourself first, then you also know what you have to give to others.
Knowing these boundaries means that you have more to give on both sides -- to yourself, and to others.Acceptance is so empowering.
That's basically the difference. The French woman accepts her desires, and acknowledges her right to them, whereas many of us anglo-society-raised women (including Canada and the US) have been taught not to accept ourselves. We've been taught to serve, to worry what others think, to reject ourselves.
So it's no wonder that others reject our right to our own desires as well, is it? Anglo societies tell women all the time that they've no right to this, that and the other. Happily, it's not everyone in society who does that, and happy navigation of life often means finding a spouse, boyfriends, and friends who will accept us for who we are. It's a tricky thing to figure out when you've been taught to reject yourself.
So give yourself a start on the training: take the time to do whatever floats your boat: special time at the spa, yoga classes, a latte and a good piece of chocolate. Just some you time. Meditate on what it is you most need to be content. Let yourself believe and know that you deserve it.
Don't take more than your fair share, but don't take less, either. When you're offered help or a compliment, accept it gracefully and gratefully. Receive. Let others give. And give in return.
And then go out in the world and be able to serve others.
That Secret Smile
That secret, satisfied smile that French women are so famous for comes partly from the chivalrous charm of French men, and the sheer kind lovingness of French people with each other... but even in the absence of admiration, a woman who starts with the phrase "prendre soin de moi," knows how to keep herself happy first.This happiness radiates onto those around her.
When I met the woman in the photo, she was camping with three young girls, and generously lending a helping hand to all and sundry within her sphere. I thought she was about 38 years old. Her positive outlook and can-do attitude completely fooled me, though. She's 60! Those are just the most recent 3 of her 21 foster kids so far, and she has 6 of her own, too.
She found time to help everyone and to inquire after my well-being, my son's well-being, the neighbour's well-being, to tease the hostess along... to take care of the children with her, to have loving calls with her own children... she served more people than most people even know.
And she's the life expert who taught me this phrase. She's far from selfish, but she knows how to be selfish at the right times. She took some holiday time just to do her nails and her hair, and to have some time to just do everything slow.
"Take care of your own happiness first, and then you have more to give others."
Are you already living by this principle? Is this idea totally old hat to you, or something new? I'd love to know!
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